The top sins that every mother must avoid when her daughter or son decides to get married…
First and foremost, congratulations on the engagement. A big day is soon to arrive and fast, your diary will soon begin to fill with lunch dates and discussions about the wedding. As your role as the mother of the bride (or groom), a key role has already been placed on you that have a number of responsibilities. Although your role has many big and important duties it also comes along with a number of things you should avoid. The top of this list are the points we have laid out below to help make sure you avoid being ‘one of those mothers’ at the wedding!
An early but crucial point of the role is the news of the engagement. Although excitement can set in the urge to tell anyone and everyone that your child has got engaged, you have to remember not to get overzealous in the news. It’s the right of the engaged couple to spread the news, don’t spoil the excitement they have of telling everyone by beating them to it.
It isn’t uncommon for the ‘mother-in-law’ on both sides of the union can come across as disapproving. Assisting the bride and groom is always meant to be a positive backing and constructive commentary is all that is required. It is key to make sure that the process of any shopping trip and decision-making is a good experience. Make sure you keep the strong opinions to yourself or vent them to your husband or partner.
Disapproval also includes being pushy, so make sure you know when it is the right time and place, if your opinion is asked by all means give it (make sure the response is gentle), but by no means dig your heels in.
Although you have an idea of all the people you want to join you in witnessing and celebrating the day, you must make sure to get consent from the bride and groom for guests to be added to the list. The couple are the ones meticulously planning the wedding. They may have requirements and restrictions for the event from budget limits to guest (number) restrictions together with the choice of venue. This can become awkward if people have been invited by others and embarrassing for all to discuss and possibly reverse!
Offer your Help
Although you might be doing your utmost to stay out the way and not get too involved because of fear of making a mistake, but sometimes an extra pair of reliable hands are key at moments of strain. Your relationship will be strong enough with your daughter or son that if you are doing too little or too much they will vocalise their feelings. Just keep in mind that you are only one person and over-promising and under-delivering can be a nightmare when it comes to money, time, advice and resource with planning a wedding.
Every bride and groom want their wedding to be unique, special, the day is all about them, regardless of budget and constraints. The last thing the couple want is to be compared to another wedding, especially when it is completely unnecessary or controllable.
It’s Not a Competition
The day is not a competition, you’re not required to start a war of out-doing the mother of the groom (or bride). It is a day of compromise and harmony. The marriage is not the end of the journey but the start of a binding union. Don’t allow that union to begin on a sour note.
Colours, Bridesmaids and White!
Making sure you are coordinated with the colour chosen for the wedding, the bridesmaids and the other mother. The synergy with everyone makes for harmony (and great wedding photos). The colours the bride and groom chose will be methodically considered and need to be respected. Along with this colour coordination, remember, don’t wear white (it really doesn’t need saying)!
We’re sure that most of this advice has already been said but it never hurts to say it again. Every bride and groom get stressed with the arrangement and planning of a wedding, your role is to help ease the troubles for the couple and not add to the issues and worried.
Don’t be afraid to have fun! Be there for your daughter (or son) every step of the way. You are key and can be a very supportive rock in what can sometimes be an emotional and stressful time. Being this support means you are always present and you don’t miss any of those amazing moments!